cry baby, cry.

I'm jealous. Like bloody jealous. Here I am, an eighteen year old girl who hopes to have a steady relationship by the end of year 2009, is very much alone. I personally love to help one get hooked up with another,but can never manage to get myself sorted out.

I'm jealous of how my sister can get her relationship going on smooth and perfect. Probably because she has got the ones who is really into her. The one who is devoted to her. Heck, I can't even find a single soul who has yet to laid eyes on me and like me the way I am. It's either I'm too short for him, I'm too loud for him and maybe my hair colour is just too bright. But really, why can't a guy who is supposedly a man in this relationship, step up and say "Baby, I love you just the way you are." and mean it. Not later after that say, " I can't help but not like the way you talk to other guys", "I don't dig your social life." Then why in the world did you say you like me the way I am.

Tak cukup ke bagi harapan palsu kat perempuan? Ha? Sudah-sudah la please. We are fragile human beings. If you think you as a guy is sensitive, mind thinking of us for once? Us girls, we're vulnerable. You break us lil, honey, you break us big time. But under all those, we always have a strong back up system. The girlfriends. Yes, maybe, just maybe you wouldn't like your girlfriend's girlfriends.. Well you should. Cause if you break us, the others break you harder. No, this is not a threat. It's just a fact.

I'm just saying that I need to start settling down and get a decent, serious relationship. I want to experience what `Ain is experiencing. What abang is experiencing. I see Shahmi surprising `Ain. I see abang's girlfriend coming over to the house just to see abang.. I don't have that. And for once, I'm desperate for it. No, I don't want a boyfriend to bloody fit in with everyone, I just want a boyfriend to take care of me. To take over my job in taking care of myself, you know? You get me,right?

So, come. Know me. Like me. Surprise me. Love me. Be with me.

For once, I want to love and be loved.