relationship.

Hello, hello there human beings. Thanks for dropping by to read about my complaints as it goes on each day. Getting worst by the minute. So, yea. As you can tell, all my complaints have always been about my so called lovey dovey boyfriend, Fierdaus.


August, it was great. Walking on cloud 7! Oh god, you don’t know how loved I felt being with him. He just has this awesome aura that makes me melt just with hearing his voice. The first month we met on, 2nd August 2008, 5th August 2008, 6th August 2008, 9th August 2008, 16th August 2008, 23rd August 2008, 24th August 2008, 28th August 2008, 30th August 2008. Yea, just on those days. But we got along well even when we barely talk. Perfect relationship. Barely see each other but have the bomb relationship. Yea, that’s how you could describe us back then. Ok, so let’s go on details. 2nd August, was the very first time we met after chit chatting through myspace and text messages. He came and met me at work. 5th August, he came to school. Lepak with my girlfriends then left to The Attap in Hartamas. He then sent me home. On August 6th, he came to school, that day was Aiman’s birthday, he kneeled down on one knee and asked me to be his. Before he asked me, it took him a while to actually get the words out of his mouth, oh what the heck, he’s mine now. Then other days, I just don’t seem to remember what happened. Heh. Sorry darls.


September was ok. I mean, you can’t always have a perfect relationship now can we? So, we started to have the ups and downs like all the other couples have been through. We had more downs than ups. It’s hard, really hard. But we went through it well enough, I guess. It was ok je lah. Not as good as we were on our first month. I hope it was as good as it was back in our first month, but you know, a girl can only dream. 6th September 2008, 10th September 2008, 13th September 2008, 14th September 2008, 20th September 2008, 25th September 2008. Yea, as you can see, we only met like 6 days in a month. Imagine that. It was like half of me was missing not seeing him always. Supposedly the more we don’t see each other, the more we’re supposed to be close. Kan? Well, it doesn’t seem to work on us. Things got rough. I don’t much trust in him. He starts to flirt again. Getting back to the old him, as in, single. I got pissed, I mean, won’t you? So, yea. At times, he’d find some time to make things worst but others, he’d leave me hanging. Typical Fierdaus. I’m not surprised.


October was the worst. Wait, not as bad as later. We were fighting every single damn darn day! It was really pissing me off. I mean, I broke up with a guy cause I can’t stand a fight and here I am being in another relationship that has not much different than my last relationship. The best part was, he didn’t bloody care! When I said best, I meant it in a sarcastic way. Oh and it was raya. Yea, RAYA! You’re supposed to be forgiving and loving one another. It bloody doesn’t work on us, that’s for sure. Haih. There was this one day that we talked and we went along quite well for a day or two, but others are just fucked up. I hate it! I’m here, bloody missing you and there you are enjoying yourself with friends who do not realize that I’m bloody waiting for a text reply or call. Patiently waiting. 4th October 2008, 9th October 2008,18th October 2008,19th October 2008, 25th October 2008, 26th October 2008. Those are the only days we met. It gets lower each month. I can’t blame it on him fully but still! Then tah laaa, lantak. I just don’t think I need to care that much when he’s not doing any caring towards me kan. So, yea. After that, November. November is just, well, I don’t know what to say. It’s hard to say. Things went out well. We finally get the not meeting means more bonding. We bonded. We went well with each other. It’s like falling in love all over again. Its fun. He’s finally loving me like he used to, I was happy. Really happy. I can’t even express myself. It’s the best feeling after few months of just arguing over stupid and small matters. But it didn’t last that long. As expected.


On November, we met only THREE days. Three freaking days. Can you just believe that? I can. We met on 2nd November 2008, 8th November 2008, and 13th November 2008. He thinks he was single. As always. He does that all the time. Especially when he’s out with his friends. He’d just flirt like the world is his. Ok, fine. Go ahead and do so. I don’t care. As long as it makes him happy.


December, hardest. After a while, I know I couldn’t make him happy and keep me hurting. I took a big step and asked for a breakup. I didn’t want it. I mean, I’m still bloody freaking darn damn in love with him. After all the fights, after all the flirting he’s done. Everything that he’d done that hurt me. Like real bad. Severe injuries in the heart. I could have a heart attack if it could happen. But I can’t keep exaggerating everything. And I’m not. Only the heart attack part. Oh and yea, I asked for a break up. It was hard and when I asked for it, guess what he did. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He just left me alone like he really did let me go. On the 4th of December, I was single. I cried calling him back. CRIED asking him back. And he didn’t bloody care. Did not care at all. So, okay, on the 5th and 6th, I decided to give up. And I did. I went to work on the 6th, texted him and wished Happy Supposedly Anniversary. I had tears in my eyes. And whatever. No reply, ok. I worked. Worked like nothing’s wrong. At noon, he came and sat at the glass door just staring at me work. I was unable to focus. After class, Yoke Teng asked me to go see him. She’s really someone nice. Love her to bits. I went out and talked to him sekejap. He asked me back and I said no. I told him I couldn’t go through any of this anymore and went back to work. I told him to wait for a sec cause I’ve got some letters I wrote before we broke up. An anniversary card and a supposedly anniversary card. So, yea. I gave it to him and went back in. I was inside and I looked out at him reading my letters, I went out, he had tears in his eyes. His eyes were red. I’m like, ok. A guy cried just to ask me back. Where else could I get that from? But before I accepted him, I told him that I wanted him to change and he’s willing to do so. So, yea. I accepted him. I couldn’t last a day without him and everyone knows that. Things were ok the first week. As expected. Then the following week and now, things are hard. Really. He just left me hanging almost every day since the second week we got back together. I am still patiently patient with being with him. Though at times, I’d rather be alone. I’d rather be single than hurt every single day. On December, we met 6th December 2008, 13th December 2008, 15th December 2008, 20th December 2008, and 21st December 2008. Yea, even on that day, we weren’t happy. Not even a teeny bit of happiness. It sucks. Fierdaus, if you’re reading this, this is what I feel. This is how bad our relationship is. And as bad as it may sound, I’m still hoping for a better relationship with you. Not anyone else, but you. In all this fights, you always know how to make me happy. You always turn my frown to a smile and the other way round. Both ways, I’m happy. But not as happy as we could be. I’m hoping for the best. If you happen to read this, I’m sorry if it hurts or you don’t feel the same way I do. But this is how I feel and it’s been going on for months. I’m sorry.